The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize