the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
