Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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