Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Floor bacon is actually really good
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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