The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drunk is not a location!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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