i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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