One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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