she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
