ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
