Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
