Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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