I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
