Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
