every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
