Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
