we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
