They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
