i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
