thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
