My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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