Me. At least after what I've been through.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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