I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
