Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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