Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
