Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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