I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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