planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
