I want to have your abortion
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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