Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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