i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
