So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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