he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
