i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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