You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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