good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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