this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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