I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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