So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
