the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
