Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
