well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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