Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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