I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
