I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
