Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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