it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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