Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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