I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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