sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
