do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
