Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
