Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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