hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
