So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
