I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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