the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
