Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
