She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
