I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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