OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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