Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
