She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
