Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?