have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?