I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.