new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
