she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
