I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
