Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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