so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize