glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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