I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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