I have demons in me.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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