Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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